Grace

….including you, who are called to belong to Jesus Christ…. Romans 1: 6… So beautiful, isn't it? Called to belong.


I didn't want to go on Sunday morning. I was tired. I am plum worn out. Winter makes me whiny….and I need sun and vacation….I know…this sun business must be getting old.:)

But I really just wanted a mental health day. (Yes, we're going to be really honest today, and this is the tip of the iceberg.)  Sophia started throwing up around 1-130am on Friday morning, and then continued pretty much for hours, with little naps in between.  I called  out from work, because frankly, I would likely be a danger to myself and all on the road (in the snowstorm, mind you) if I went. So I slept with her for two nights, and everything hurt and I didn't want to get up and smile and pretend….and yes… isn't that when He sometimes chooses to open the eyes of these dark hearts and show us some of Himself?

The past several weeks have been ones of introspection.  I've got to tell you, I don't like what I see when I peak beneath my surface.  She's not so nice. She's angry. She's disappointed. She's disillusioned. She's run out of faith and hope. Too many challenges, and probably not enough relying on the One who…well…that's all He really wants, isn't it?

We've been ministered to for the past few weeks (Sundays) on Job.  I may or may not have mentioned this before, or maybe it got lost in the editing.:)  The thing (okay- one of the things) that has troubled me about this book, is that there is NO ANSWER.  There is a happy ending, but no REASON.  And perhaps like many in times of trial, I have often turned to JOB, the man who endured more than one can imagine, and yet remained faithful.  But JOB has rarely brought me comfort.  Perhaps, you need to hear Job spoken about by someone who has suffered, and come through it, to be able to hear/listen.  (Sort of like people without kids who give parenting advice…kind of hard to listen to.)

The ministry was not a verse by verse analysis of Job. Just some key things that we can learn from him. The key thought:  Our refining is to draw us closer to Him.

  So there I sat on Sunday morning, actually able to follow the meeting, since no-one was tugging and asking questions:), or asking to go to the bathroom.  And Grace….it was all about Grace.

I've been thinking a lot about different things, different people and relationships.  And on Sunday morning, everything seemed to shout out: GRACE!!

So here are my thoughts. Raw, unpolished. They are not meant to represent my theology or any theology.  Just my heart.  So thankful that God doesn't depend on me or my feelings. What a mess things would be then!

I AM...

The people I look down on.
There I go, but for the grace, mercy and kindness of God.
It is sobering to come face to face with what lies beneath the surface.
I do not look down upon the poor, the downtrodden. No- because I am not as bad as that.
No- the objects of my righteous indignation, are the ones who squander.
Squander money, self-respect, morality and cheapen that which is precious.

But wait…

Who am I but one who, but for God's grace would have been that girl…
That woman who gives without thought, in search of what she cannot attain, by giving?
Who am I, but for God's grace, would have left when the the good times ended and real life began?
Who am I who, but for God's grace, is tempted and acts on it?

I am these…But for God's grace.
I am not different.
It is His grace which saves me.
It His  Spirit which hinders and battles constantly against the flesh which would so easily…
So easily…

Grace has been directed  to us.
We have been covered and drenched in it.
Grace came down and was crucified so that I could have a chance on earth to sample perfection.
No- not even that.
To be reminded of what I have been saved from.
Of whom I have been saved from.
Eternal darkness, yes…But...Me.


Like a love song, this hymn was given out as I wrote these last thoughts.


400 Jesus, I Am Resting, Resting

Tranquility (8.7.8.7.D.)
Jean Sophia Pigott (1845-1882)
James Mountain (1844-1933)

1 Jesus, I am resting, resting,
In the joy of what Thou art;
I am finding out the greatness
Of Thy loving heart.
Thou hast bid me gaze upon Thee,
And Thy beauty fills my soul,
For, by Thy transforming power,
Thou hast made me whole.

Refrain
Jesus, I am resting, resting,
In the joy of what Thou art;
I am finding out the greatness
Of Thy loving heart.

2 O how great Thy loving-kindness!
Vaster, broader than the sea;
O how marvelous Thy goodness
Lavished all on me!
Yes, I rest in Thee, Belovèd,
Know what wealth of grace is Thine,
Know Thy certainty of promise,
And have made it mine.

3 Simply trusting Thee, Lord Jesus,
I behold Thee as Thou art,
And Thy love, so pure, so changeless,
Satisfies my heart;
Satisfies its deepest longings,
Meets, supplies its every need,
Compasseth me round with blessings;
Thine is love indeed!

4 Ever lift Thy face upon me
As I work and wait for Thee,
Resting 'neath Thy smile, Lord Jesus,
Earth's dark shadows flee.
Brightness of my Father's glory,
Sunshine of my Father's face,
Keep me ever trusting, resting;
Fill me with Thy grace.